12:16am: Fever check, feels cool or even cold. Cover up better and go back to bed.
2:34am: Claire wakes up screaming. No fever, no anything I can understand. She is scratching majorly. Give Benedryl and put back to bed.
8:45am: get out of shower to screaming. Run towel-naked into her room. No fever.
"old (hold) me, Momma, old me!" I pick her up.
"down, down, down!" I put her down.
This goes on for 20 minutes. She is scratching violently. Still dripping wet and wondering if that is adding to her scratching (you know how water dries and makes you itch sometimes?).
I look at her legs: COVERED in bloodied scratches. Rash is back around her joints (knees and elbows).
Dose her with steroids and Benedryl. She is still screaming. Won't calm down. Won't eat or drink. Thrashes and tries to scratch. Dress her like mummy to prevent scratching. SCREAMING! I can't handle it anymore. Put her in her room and close the door. scared to death and worried I'll smack her cause the screaming won't stop! How could I?! Why do I even think such things!?
Running through my head what might help. Call Nick. Give her bath, hoping to maybe wash away what's making her itch. Call Nick. Rash more noticeable in water. Freaking out. Call Nick. Call original doc. She calms down some. I get her to eat some cereal (bribe her is a better word). After eating, she gets better.
Dress like mummy again. She rolls on the ground, thrashing, trying to scratch. Starts to pull chunks of hair out of head.
45 mins pass since dosing. She calms all the way down and notices my tears. Brings me HER blanket and kisses me, wipes at my tears.
No idea what happened. I think the steroids are really strong and they wear off between doses. Doc also told me that the steroids themselves can cause psychosis. People literally see things and feel things on their skin. So would giving her another dose cause her to calm???
Am literally emotionally exhausted. Don't know what to do. Is this pseudo serum sickness the right answer????? Called doc from Primary's. The only other thought might be Still's disease. Which they would treat with the same medicine. Scares me too, cause it's still an autoimmune disease. Doc said rash is different from typical rash that indicates Still's, though. Everything else fits that I can find.
Nick comes home with lunch. I'm at wit's end. He puts me to bed and turns on movie for Claire. She comes wandering up about 10 minutes later. Finds Momma and says, "Up, bed? Momma seep-in (sleeping)?" She falls asleep next to me for about 45 mins. Now she's asleep and I'm here. Tearing my hear out.
Sorry this blog has become my sanity. I vent here so I don't do something stupid.